YES, I AM STILL ALIVE AND KICKING. BEEN THROUGH A LOT THESE PAST FEW YEARS. :D WATCH OUT. I AM FREAKIN BACK. :D THE QUEEN BEE IS BACK. XD


XOXO,
C

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6/23/2009 06:13:00 PM

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 7/01/2007 02:27:00 PM

yeah, i know! it sucks, even though a few weeks ago I was dying to go to school coz I was sick and tired of vacation :)) lame noh?! hehe! So here I am counting the hours of my last day of summer vacay! shit, now it's time to get serious. Currently listening to Paramore while writing this to get me in the giddy writing mood. :) yeah, so there it is tomorrow is the first day of classes, time to wear that fugly hot white uniform, wake up early and of course, the cursed schedule we have (specifically a 6 hour break).
Up until now, I just can't believe that I am a sophie comm arts student. How did I manage my freshie year? POORLY is what I say! haha! Too many things got in my way, the things that aren't worth it. The things that are so "babaw", yeah i know, for the past year I was being stupid, I wasted a lot of money, time and effort for nonsense things that made my life complicated. Yes, I confess, I am stupid of making those choices that I have made. I regret the things I did for the past year, but what's the use of wasting my time sulking because I chose wrong choices, the damage has been done and all I have to do is make up to it.
I've learned a lot from last school year that made me wiser, with the help of my loved ones now I know what to do in my life. All I got to do is strive hard to be the best, now I would do the things I want in my life, i'll do what I WANT not other people's opinion. Whatever I do, I should think for myself, for once in my life, I am enlightened of what happened to me. from now on, i'll promise myself that I won't be the same old Charns I was, yes, I am going to change, for good. I'll forget the past because that's the thing that's holding me back. This time I won't let anyone ruin my life, this time I am going to fight for my right, and that right is TO BE ME .
To all the people who did awful things to me, well, i don't FUCKING care about them anymore, Karma works, and i believe that. Those are the people who aren't worth my friggin time, to that person, well, thank you for making me feel worthless for one moment, because at that moment I realize one thing, you're the one who's worthless.. yes, call me a bitch, but that's the way it is dude, in fairness, ikaw ang nauna ang gumawa ng kalokohan. Now I know what's right for me, If I know it's right, then paninindigan ko, NEVER AGAIN that I will take the blame for other people's stupidity or wrong doings.
The things that happened to me made me realize one thing, di na ako mag-seself pity, now it's different.I'll believe on what's right and what's good. For myself and my loved ones... my true loved ones. :)
I just want to thank those people who were just there for me when I was sad, I thank my friends and my family I love you all. This school year, I'll prioritize, I promise! :)

oh and by the way, to the asshole who broke my <3, well, you're pathetic. I just want to say that HINDI KA KAWALAN! period. sana wala ka ng maloko pa ha?!.. ang galing mo, gsto kitang palakpakan.. IN FAIRNESS! and you know what? you suck. oh yes, I am a bitch. thank you!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6/12/2007 03:57:00 PM

bakit ang daming tao nagkakandaloko sa pag-ibig kahit alam nila na puro sakit lang ang mararamdaman nila? I wonder. WELL ALL I CAN SAY IS THE TRUTH IS REVEALED AND I KNOW I WILL BE HAPPIER!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3/22/2007 08:05:00 PM

punyeta... just give me one reason to live! my exams are over, but still, this feeling of melancholy has not yet faded. I hope the world still has mercy on me, maawa na sana ang mga tao at ang mundo saken, I've had enough of the lies, the hatred and the sadness. I've had enough of those, DO I DESERVE THIS? why? All my life, i've been doing what my parents planned for me, all my life, i've done everything that others want me to do. The only thing what is left of me is ME. I obeyed all of those, even suffered, but can this suffering end? if it will, i'm dying to ask when will it end.

All my life, all i had was pain and suffering, yeah right, they say I had it all, kung alam lang nila ilang dugo at luha ang pumatak dahil dito.
I just can't deal with this.

So ayun, tapos na nga exams ko. WIP! yun nga lang, CLEARANCE THE BULSHET MADERPAKER! (ika nga ni mics! XD) Kanina para na akong nabunutan ng tinik at sa wakas! tapos na ren!! PAKSHEYT!! BAKASYON NA SANA KUNG DI LANG DAHIL SA PUNYETANG CLEARANCE YAN!! Gusto ko naman magpakasaya, andami kong plano this summer. SOBRA!
eto listahan:

1. magtrabaho sa shop para magkapera
2. magbanda ulit. (yipee! namiss ko kau Mtee!)
3. magpapayat
4. mag-aral ng magdrive (kahit walang kotse! XD)
5. alagaan ang mga pamangkin na darating sa april!
6. magbakasyon sa isang malayong lugar, magenjoy
7. iimprove ang sarili ko
8. magbago ng hairstyle weee... (ika nga ni kuya, magpapa-"olandes" ng buhok!)
9. magpaganda. panget ako eh. kelangan ng matinding dasal! hahahaha!
10. at kung maari, makalipat ng skul *mas kailangan ng matinding dasal*

ayun lang naman as of now ang plano ko, baka magbago pa yan. :)) so ayun.

bwisit talaga tong buhay ko, naasar na ako. PRAMIS! gsto ko na tlga mawala sa mundo! sana pagbalik ko at sana sa pagtapos ng bakasyon, MAGIMPROVE KAHIT PAPANO! ayoko ng maging malungkot. Ayoko na maging tanga, pagod na ako ng kakaiyak at kakaisip sa mga problema ko. Sana sa darating na bakasyon sumaya ako. tama na tlga.

sa sobrang kalungkutan, grabe napuno ang buong notebook ko na puro tula kaya nawalan na ang space ang Theology at english notebooks ko :)) Baka yung mga tula at mga kanta ko na naisulat ko eh itugtog at lagyan ng tono.

hay, pagod na ako malungkot. pagod na ako. pramis. gusto k naman sumaya. kahit isang beses lang.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3/20/2007 02:54:00 PM